Approaching the Finsh Line, and More to Go.

With this day almost complete, I find it hard to hoard the energy to finish. Overloaded with production at work and wanting to throw up from the smell of over buttered burnt popcorn, I sent my last emails and sipped down my final sodas for the day, in hopes of clicking my brian into tolerating the rest of my jail time. I Should have started drinking soda earlier in the day, sitting here typing, I'm forced to listen, even through my headphones, to a woman complaining about how her husband stole her last cookie. You want a cookie lady? I'll get you a goddamn cookie.

Over the past week my emotional level has turned me into a verbal snapping turtle. It's hard to stay calm about things when you spend your nights sleeping on foam board, and having to watch TV while listening to repeated incomplete conversations. Jail isn't something that is physically demanding, but is an emotionally damaging roller coaster. While inside, taking a few low blows has definitely gotten to my head, which I'm sure has happened to many a few. My words to the public have definitely pissed people off, but these words have also opened conversations from those who've shared similar trials as mine. With these two sides fighting, it makes my mental cradle rock. One second you're ok with the idea of being locked up for the crime you've committed, but then the next it seems like you'd do anything to take it back; there's no winning in jail.

This week has truly tested my ability to stay afloat. With working 40 hours, running the gallery through emails and phone calls, as well as taking on the stress of following rules and regulations of being contained, there's no more energy to go around. Work release has been my savior within this whole process, but with having to juggle real life with temporary life, it's still proven to be a great challenge. I'm not about to let 10 days in jail damage years of effort I've put in to creating the person I am today. Yes, I've made mistakes and I'm sure you have too, but I'm over those mistakes and doing time in jail is just something a lot of us have to do. Knowing that this time I'm spending was in my near future, I wanted to turn the tables on it by sharing my reactions with people who cared to read. It's definitely not a walk in the park, but it's also not comparable to being burned at the stake. Just don't fuck up and you won't have to find out.

When you read this I will be finishing my last several hours within the county jail. It's so close it almost makes me anxiously sick to the point that it can be hard to hold down sleep for the night. Not wanting to eat much to keep my energy low, I snack on small chips and fruit. I'm hoping to keep this low enthusiasm going since, I'm not having to wake up in the morning and report to work. I'll be able to sleep more steadily through the next day to ignore the thoughts of the hours getting more and more decreased.

But once I wake up Saturday morning it will be less than 24 hours till my release, and till I feel like myself again. Over this time I'm thankful for my friends, family, and coworkers for the support through emails, phone calls, and conversation. Also to my readers who I know, and to those who I've never met, thank you for the random emails of humorous fuck-ups and serious matters. The month of January has already thrown me in circles without wanting to dance. But with it not stopping anytime soon, I plan to take things as they come, no matter how rough the road may be. It's all smooth sailing from here.

"Cheated Hearts" - Yeahs Yeahs Yeahs